By My mother always told me to live each day as if it were your last day on earth.
As a kid, I always shrugged her off. I was young, nothing could hurt me, and nothing could hurt her either.
The ignorance of youth often blinds us to the true pain of life.
Then one day, my father sat me down.
“Your mother was in an accident.”
There’s no fear like the fear you hold for your loved ones, especially your parents. Even to this day, I would be devastated if either parent was hurt badly.
As a kid, I could barely comprehend the situation, only that my mother was hurt. I had no clue how badly she had been hurt, or how close we came to losing her.
The day had been a normal one. I woke up, ate some breakfast, eggs and breakfast sausage, I think. I rode the bus to school.
When I came home, I was told mom and dad were at the hospital.
I was scared.
Thankfully, she returned home, with minimal injuries, but that was just the beginning of a long and painful journey. My mother had sustained injuries to her neck, which her doctor told her would need to be repaired.
It was during surgery to repair the neck that they discovered the cancer growing on her thyroids.
As my mother often said, her accident turned out to be “a miracle of God.”
Had she not needed the surgery, there was no telling how far the cancer could have spread.
This treatment, however, greatly destabilized her neck, making her susceptible to injury.
About four years later, on a trip to see my grandmother, we were rear-ended in a snowstorm. The crash had not felt all that bad for me, but for my mom, that jolt further injured her neck.
My mother again sought consultation for her neck. It was at this point that her doctors revealed the metal plates they had previously placed had torn a hole in her esophagus, which developed into an abscess. Her doctors warned her this could cause damage to her spine.
So off to California to find a surgeon capable of fixing this.
All the while, I had moved on to high school, and wondered when my mom would be coming home.
And the scariest of all was how to do I make this seem normal so my children don’t worry.
The operation was meant to be a straightforward procedure: they would repair the abscess, and she would be placed on an intravenous tube, which would pump protein straight to her stomach, as she could no longer swallow as her wounds healed.
The operation did not go as they had planned.
The surgeon damaged her cervical sympathetic trunk, causing nerve damage in her face. Her thoracic duct was also damaged, causing a serious Chyle leak, followed by a gaping wound from her feeding tube.
It is fair to say she was living in a physical hell.
She was away from us for more than six months, suffering without the comfort of her husband or children. The effect this isolation can have on someone is terrible, and yet she persevered.
I never thought I would have to probe her for her thoughts on the subject, as I never wanted to make her think of it again, but I cannot help but admire how strong she was for fighting on.
I asked her how she managed to keep going, why she did not give in to despair.
“Acceptance of my situation was the first step in dealing with the pain and anxiety,” mom said. “Not looking for the ‘why’ this was all happening and focusing on the ‘how’ to repair it was part of what grounded me. My goal was getting back to my family. That was a very powerful motive.”
As driven as she was, the ordeal was still very hard for her. We managed to visit every once in a while, but I had school, and my father had bills to pay.
Visits were hard. She looked anorexic and was often tired and lethargic.
It was painful to watch, and I can only assume it was much more painful to endure.
Often, we see the worst of people from the outside, but it was the inside that was tearing her up.
“The hardest part is the unknown factor,” she said. “Would I recover and be able to enjoy another Sunday family meal? Would I be able to enjoy the simple sip of water? Would the doctors know how to repair my esophagus? Would I always have this feeding tube protruding from my abdomen? Will I always have to excuse myself from company to pour nourishment into my body? Will I ever be able to enjoy social gatherings? Will I be around to watch my children grow up? And the scariest of all was how to do I make this seem normal so my children don’t worry.”
And she felt guilty.
“Then there was the agonizing heartbreaking feeling of failing as wife and a mother because I was stuck in California unable to take care of my family, tend to their needs, make sure they were safe, happy and healthy. This kept me up many nights,” she said.
After eight months in California, she managed to return home, bruised and battered, but the winner of one of the greatest fights I have ever witnessed.
I often struggle with hardships, things that are so trivial when compared to what my mom endured.
Often, I wish I had her resolve and strength.
“I don’t know if I can really give anyone a method of how to persevere through a difficult situation, but I can say that without faith and prayer I would not have had hope or confidence,” she said. “Through faith and prayer in Jesus Christ my Savior. I had peace in his plan for me. I accepted that none of this was in my control. I was grateful.”
Mom says her strength to persevere came from family and faith.
“The love and support of an amazing spouse, the love a mother has for her family and God’s love are incredible motivations for perseverance,” she said.
I will carry her message with me always.
I’m done shrugging off her advice, as I did when I was a kid all those years ago.
I cannot ignore the wisdom of someone who has gone through so much.
How do I persevere through my own hard times?
Easy. I have the ear of a hero just a phone call away.
