By As I sat on a bus heading towards an unknown location, I found myself doubting whether I should have come along on this school trip. Especially, when it meant that I wouldn’t be able to work on the various projects that were overdue and piling up.
I was headed for Search.
Search is one of Carroll’s retreats run by campus ministry. Search has been going on for more than 40 years with an average of 30 to 40 people attending each trip.
I knew very little about the trip, so I decided to go, pardon the pun, on faith.
I really only chose to go for two specific reasons.
The first was that various friends told me that I should go.
The second is that I’m the kind of person that wants to make the most out of my time in college. I like to sign up for stuff whenever I can so I figured that ultimately this weekend would be good for me.
I was also excited for the opportunity to be surprised. Search has secrets that are discovered throughout the weekend.
With that in mind, I signed up to go on the Fall trip that took place in mid-November of 2025. I boarded a bus to who knows where. That was my first act of faith that weekend – praying that the driver knew where they were going, because I sure didn’t.
As requested, I also didn’t have my phone or watch. If anything were to happen while I was gone, then I wouldn’t know until I got back to the school.
I didn’t know where I was going because one of the defining features of the retreat is total secrecy.
The events of what transpire are meant to be kept confidential so that way everyone going into the retreat in the future will be able to discover the wonders for themselves.
At first, I was excited to board the bus, but doubts seeped into my mind as I sat alone.
It’s important to note that I’m not religious, so I was worried that I would feel like an outsider. Those worries only continued to grow as the bus continued down the road and I could hear all of the lively conversations from those around me.
Although, I won’t go into detail, I will say that the weekend does lean heavily at times into the Catholic faith.
So even though I felt welcome, I felt awkward at times, too. During the weekend I would learn that most of the students were Catholic or members of another faith.
This meant conversations with others would be difficult at times. I was really worried about unintentionally being rude because of my differing beliefs.
In every conversation regarding faith I carefully chose every word.
I felt most alone when we had a break and I accidentally fell asleep. I slept through an entire activity. I couldn’t help but think that nobody even noticed that I was absent.
I wondered if I should have stayed home.
I realize my doubts weren’t fair, especially to those running the retreat. Everyone was welcoming and friendly.
It’s just that this feeling of being alone in a crowded room isn’t new to me. I’ve felt that aloneness on and off throughout my life.
It’s the kind of feeling that makes it hard to go to sleep because all you can think about is how there is something missing. Someone missing.
Truth be told, I want nothing more in this world than to get married.
I want someone whom I can love and hold who feels the same way.
Someone who understands me and fully accepts me for me.
I don’t know when or where but I’ll meet the person I’m looking for.
Search provided opportunities to see just how many people in this world love and care for me. Ser\arch both strengthened my bonds with old friends, and helped me make new ones.
I properly made friends with Sean Momaco, a junior philosophy major, from North Augusta, South Carolina. He is one of those people who is able to make friends with just about anyone – even me!.
Just by being his friend my social circle has expanded quite a bit.
So, as the trip came to an end, I once again boarded the bus and sat alone. While the wheels turned and the sight lines passed me by, I found myself conflicted.
Simply put, this is one of those kinds of experiences that doesn’t magically make everything better overnight.
I’m still not religious and nor do I see that changing.
I felt awkward and out of place at times.
And I’m still searching for someone truly special. Pun intended.
And yet, if I had to do it all over again, I would gladly go.
This world has so much to offer. We have so much to live for.
All sorts of people want the best for us.
The people who run this retreat are those kinds of affirming people.
I encourage everyone to give Search a try.
