The ripple effect of kindness

Buddha once said, “When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.”

Before I enlisted in the military, those were just words. Not anymore: True and kind words changed my life.

My life as a Navy EOD (explosive ordnance disposal tech) was both physically and mentally exhausting.

I eventually started to bring that weight home.

As service members, we did our best to segment our lives. We tried not to bring burdens home. I had been an EOD tech for eight years before the lines that I had drawn between family, friends and the military broke down.

In the military, I learned the importance of honor, courage, and commitment.

At home, I experienced the life-altering power of kindness, someone who was there for me no matter the situation.

Hiding within the chaos of my military life, I found unexpected kindness that truly changed the trajectory of my life.

Melissa Gardner, my wife at the time, could always make me smile as I continued to struggle from three deployments in Afghanistan. Even when I was back in the states, I was always gone, training for the next deployment.

I remember feeling bad that I was missing out on the kids’ lives, but she would always be supportive that I was in the military. She was proud of me.

That simple reassurance was the first building block of her kindness, but that was only the beginning of a long journey.

I don’t know how she saw a light in me when it was so dark, but I thank her as often as I can for saving my life. I get to see my kids grow into amazing individuals and have a chance to experience everything that life is supposed to be.

This story is not over.

I continue to struggle every day, but knowing she is always in my corner makes a difference.

I do not talk about my military experiences very often. Writing about my experiences is very challenging for me.

Even as I am writing this I am tearing up.

During my first deployment events started to stick with me, sort of like having a cumulative satchel that was weighing me down. No matter how hard I tried, I could not empty the satchel.

I like to think my training taught me how to react in tough situations, as best I could anyway. But after three deployments the burden became too heavy for me to carry.

Many service members deal with this, but some handle it better than others. A retired Marine once told me that people can go through the same exact river, but everyone will dry off differently.

Unfortunately, drying off has been an ongoing challenge for me.

Only Melissa knows my demons. She’s the only one that truly knows me. She can see me starting to think about my past and can pull me out, redirect my thoughts.

I can remember vividly talking to her on the satellite phone after three of our vehicles were hit by IED’s in one day. Or telling her my friend, also an EOD tech, was shot in the head.

I still had four months left in Afghanistan. Melissa was more than just an ear on the phone. She was a net who caught the emotions I couldn’t deal with at the time. To this day she’s still holding that net, just in case.

My marriage to Melissa ended, but her kindness stayed.

I’m now in my last semester at Carroll. Getting my computer information systems major with a computer science minor is completion of a mission.

Now I’ll chase new dreams.

I would not be here today without Melissa’s support, her kindness.

In reflecting on my experiences, I realize that not everyone has served, but everyone has faced challenges.

We’ve all faced hard transitions, rocky relationships, or personal demons.

And I now know one path out of those dark times: kindness.

Former Nebraska Senator Bob Kerrey understood that too.

“Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change,” Kerrey once said.

I’ve learned that kindness knows no limits. It’s a force capable of shining light even in complete darkness.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples,” Mother Teresa said.

We have to strive every day to cast those stones of kindness, to be that light for someone in need.