By In just a few short days, I will be 20 years old – surreal, thrilling, and terrifying all at once.
For the longest time, I dreaded this birthday. I joked that my life was practically over. Twenty sounded so… adult. So final.
But now, as I sit with the weight of this milestone, I realize that 20 isn’t the end of anything. In fact, it’s just the beginning.
Looking back at the two decades I’ve lived, I see an endless amount of memories. Some blurry, some vibrant. I remember the carefree joy of playing outside, my older brother hurling me down a Slip ’N Slide in my grandparents’ backyard. I remember feeling protected from the big and the small things.
I remember the excitement of dressing up for prom after years of playing pretend with my sister. There were the “firsts” that defined my teenage years: first love, first heartbreak, first time leaving home for college.
Back then, each of these moments felt like the center of the universe. They were monumental and life-defining. And maybe they were, during that time. But now, they feel smaller, more like stepping stones than mountains.
My teenage self and my adult self are not the same person. That’s how it should be. Growth is meant to stretch us, challenge us, and change us. But still, part of me grieves for that version of myself. A goodbye is needed.
At two decades in, life is far messier than I ever anticipated. I used to think that by now, I’d have it all figured out. The confusion, self-doubt, and awkwardness would fade with the teen years.
But if anything, the questions have only grown.
Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Where am I going?
Yet even in the mess, there is beauty. There is a kind of grace that comes with no longer needing to have all the answers. I’ve learned to find peace in not knowing, to accept that the bumps in the road are part of the ride. And most importantly, I’m learning to embrace myself – the awkward, growing, sometimes uncertain version of me.
To anyone else staring down the milestone of 20, here’s my advice: celebrate.
You’ve lived through 20 years of laughter, tears, joy, and transformation. That’s worth pausing for. Don’t let the fear of “growing up” steal your joy. You’re not old, you’re evolving. You’re stepping into a season of life where you get to rediscover yourself with fresh eyes, and that is a gift.
And to my teenage self, I wish I had told you:
- What other people think of you does not define you.
- You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone. You were created to be uniquely you.
- And lastly, you are still protected by the big and small. Because even at 20, Dad still traps the bugs in my room, and yes, he still promises to let them go outside instead of killing them.
So here’s to 20.
To the goodbyes and the hellos.
To the growing pains and the growing up.
To the road ahead, bumps and all.
